In our first issue, we feature two articles. The first offers advice from our resident experts on how to handle the jealosies and competition that naturally developes between siblings. In the second, we discuss two family issues that the Village would hope President Obama's administration will keep in mind as it moves forward with its ambitious agenda.

How to Juggle Sibling Children Without Dropping Anyone

Having a child is a lot of work. Having more than one is even more work. We asked our resident child rearing experts for a few tips on how to juggle the wants and needs of siblings. Kimberly Martini-Carvell, MA, is Senior Director of Family, Community and Clinical Programs at the Village and a child and family development expert with a faculty appointment at UConn in the Family Studies program. Dr. Kyle Pruett is Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine.

“Remember it is normal for siblings to compete for your attention,” says Martini-Carvell. “Begin by finding one-on-one time for each child. This is a great way to help ease sibling rivalry – especially during the times when children are having the most difficulty getting along.”

Martini-Carvell suggests short five-minute “dates” with each child throughout the day. With younger children, do simple things like pushing the child in a swing or rocking in a chair. With older kids, sitting down for a glass of milk or juice after school or looking at scrapbooks or even chatting at bed time are all good ways to connect and remind your children that you see them as individuals. Make sure each child knows that during the date he or she has your complete attention: keep track of when the date starts and when it finishes, use a timer if necessary. Finally, when the five minutes are over, remind your child that another date is coming up soon.

Family routines and rituals are also critical. Here are five things to remember so that you can eliminate problem behaviors among siblings so you’ll be able to spend more time with your children.

• Simple and consistent daily routines give children a sense of stability, safety and identity, especially when something as earth shaking as a new brother or sister comes along. Schedules also reduce idle time when kids often get into trouble. A five-minute warning will help your children anticipate what’s next on the schedule so they can transition quickly.
• Empowering your children with specific roles that are unique to themselves help them feel like they are part of the family. Responsibilities can be small for young children: dust busting the sofa or towel patrol in the bathroom. Give older kids assignments that take advantage of things they know that younger siblings don’t: tying shoe laces for example or pouring milk. Giving kids responsibilities around the house will also free you up to have more time to spend with them.
• Make getting along worth the effort by using things your children like to do as rewards. Rewards should be things that don’t cost money and that can be done in a short period of time. Ask your children to make their own personal reward list – draw or write it out. Catch them getting along and use praise or a reward to encourage them.
• Use consequences to remind them that they can get along. For example, if a brother and sister are bickering, have them do three considerate things for each other, such as sharing a snack or a toy, or give them a task to complete together such as setting the table or folding the laundry.
• Take turns with your partner to allow you to refresh and regroup away from the children. A little time off can help you feel more focused and capable. If you are a single parent or care giver, enlist extended family or good friends to give you a break. You can also establish a short Mom or Pop Alone Time and reward the kids when they respect it. This rule is especially helpful when you first get home after work as children often start vying for your attention right at the door.

With routine and regular individual attention, you can help siblings see each other as partners in the family and not rivals, and you’ll find spending time with your children more enjoyable.

Change That Will Count

The Village salutes Barack Obama’s historic transition into office. The President rode to the White House promising change. And while there are many areas ripe for change in America, in the field of family and children’s services, we hope that the Obama administration will pay particular attention to two areas where more can be done to help more children than almost anywhere else. Because in these historic times, for a growing number of children living in poverty change is more important than ever.

First, the Obama administration must recognize that every family is complicated and that there are no simple answers to the problems they face. Too often, as governments and foundations try to address child poverty, they lavish attention on one issue, as if one magic bullet could cure all ills. Increasingly, children in need require integrated services that address more than one aspect or growth and development.

Education, for example, is critical to a child’s development. But schools do not exist in a vacuum. A child who is chronically hungry or the victim of abuse at home will have difficulty learning. It is unrealistic to expect that schools can fulfill all needs for all children. Programs that address a wide range of issues from parenting to family financial literacy are critical if America is to address the full range of challenges that children and families in poverty face. Integrating services for children and families – fully assessing needs, linking providers, nurturing a broad view of the issues – will help America deal more successfully with the challenges of poverty.

In addition to taking a comprehensive approach to child social services, the Obama administration should pay hard attention to growing evidence that early intervention is the single most important factor in determining successful outcomes. Studies have shown that negative experiences, or the absence of appropriate stimulation, are more likely to have serious and sustained effects early in a child’s development rather than later. And the effects can be devastating: A study of primate infants showed that those who were socially isolated or raised with highly stressed mothers developed poorer coping abilities and reasoning skills and – most remarkably – literally had smaller brains.

Early intervention not only makes sense in terms of how we can help children, but also how effectively we allocate our limited public funding. James J. Heckman, Henry Schultz Distinguished Service Professor in Economics at the University of Chicago, has analyzed social services from the perspective of his field. Heckman’s work shows that the return on dollars spent in social services is highest when spent at the earliest point in an individual’s life. Put another way: there is more bang for a buck spent on a program such as Headstart than on one designed to prevent teen truancy.

By stressing an integrated approach to social services and by supporting programs designed to intervene early in children’s lives, the Obama administration can help lead us toward real solutions to child poverty and its associated ills.

Children and Families in the News

Below are links to articles and opinions that we at the Village found significant or interesting. Please note by clicking the links below, you will leave our website. The Village for Families and Children takes no responsibility for the content or information contained on those sites, as we do not exercise editorial or other control over them.

New York Times, January 20, 2009
Obama will ease restraints on State’s Health Insurance Programs for Children

HuffingtonPost, January 26, 2009
“Now Is the Time to Bail Our Poor Children and Families Out of Poverty,” by Marian Wright Edelman

Fedgazette, March 2003
"Early Childhood Development: Economic Development with a High Public Return," by Arthur J. Rolnick and Rob Grunewald